Somebody once told me the world is gonna roll me I ain't the sharpest tool in the shed

There’s a friend in my constellation who occasionally makes fun of what we would now call Special Education kids. The irony is that this friend,* who I’ve known since we were tots, would have been considered SpEd then if then had even the remotest concept of SpEd.  Which isn’t to say kids who, say, couldn’t tie their shoes by second grade didn’t actually have help. They did, in that “let’s get this slow reader a peer mentor!” kind of way.

I’ve been thinking about this a lot lately as I find my way here in Helena. It’s been an education to watch my assumptions fail me even when I’m trying my best to make it all work.  

In California, I was a solid Target shopper. The store layout had been memorized and I knew which cashiers were going to be the nicest at 8AM on Monday morning. Products were solid enough, priced competitively, and I somehow convinced at least one child that the Target house brand was THE newest sensation in sweatpants.  Then, I went to Target Helena.

Since my experiences in CA had been so satisfying I assumed the differences related to being in a small town. So what if the variety of Burt’s Bees products was limited?  It’s not like I was looking to expand my daily facial regime all that much.  And, if there were less options in the plain-long-sleeve-shirt department, that only meant it wasn’t the right season. OK, there’s no fresh fruit to pick up last-minute, or milk, or anything resembling brown bread.  It’s all good, I can adjust! It’s not like I’d try out the Walmart on the edge of town.  Walmart’s for half-dressed losers who should have had a peer mentor, but didn’t. 

I let this farce go on for about four months (four months!), then I tried Walmart. Oh. My. Apple. Pie. This place is amazing. Aisles are wide and shelves are full. Employees will drop what they’re doing to walk you to a product. They sell fabric by the yard, five kinds of fuchsia fertilizer, and two brands of organic milk. And those rotating bagging stations at the checkout lanes? Genius!  

Every assumption I had about Walmart was based on (1) my one visit to a Walmart in CA and (2) the folklore created around a successful global enterprise based on some folks’ need to make fun of people on the internet. Let’s just say that neither of those count as a solid basis for decision making. And, yet, I let that experience and those people keep me from the one place I’ve found that carries stretchy clothes for my 11YO daughter that don’t show off a body that’s changing faster than her social awareness can manage. All that and a quart of milk? I’m sold.

I’m also sold on talking to your neighbor even if they don’t have a dog, letting your child walk alone to the library, buying very very local, and driving everywhere … because that’s what they do here. In March, The Boy took a wilderness survival course with his entire seventh grade class because it’s mandatory. The high school requires two years of vocational training for graduation. Not just for the late blooming shoe-tyers, for everyone.  It’s going to be OK that the kids aren’t required to learn a foreign language; they will not be lesser humans. What will make them better humans is that our two  high schools train and practice together for almost all extracurricular teams.  The only time they’re in competition is when they’re in actual competition; but then they all eat pizza together after.

It’s a humbling experience. Though I’ve traveled on four continents (even in third-word neighborhoods of first-world countries), I thought I was broad enough to make it in the middle of America without a roadmap. Thought I knew how the world worked and how to guide my kids through it. Well, uh, no.

To be sure, I miss some of the uniquely CA experiences I had mastered with a certain aplomb, mostly food based. My kingdom for a tikka masala! But this whole Montana experience is pretty rewarding too. And, even when I’m not being That IEP Mom, the kids are doing OK. I just have to learn to curb those assumptions I didn’t think I had. 

Funny, that.

*So you think you know who I have in mind and you’re pointing fingers?! Not so fast; I’m looking at YOU, humanity.