imagine there’s no STAR test

As I mentioned in my first post, our move to Helena was the only way to keep our family whole.  Most folks assume that we moved here to be closer to our two youngest kiddos (The Boy and The Blonde) who have been in residential school here since June and November 2015.  (Our oldest, The Big Brother, has been in residence in Utah since April 2016.)  Truth is our house is closer to our younger kids here, but we still don’t see them daily as their residential program only works with 24/7 effort.  Ditto for Big Brother.  

So, why did we move to Montana, Helena specifically?  One word: School.  There was simply no way for our children to have a free and appropriate public education (federally known as FAPE) in California.  And, we looked.  And looked.  And looked.  We also looked in Utah, Nevada, greater New England, and Germany.  The more we looked, the more sad and angry we became.  It’s unconscionable to me that the great state of California has such limited public resources for folks on the high-functioning end of the ASD scale and almost zero support for pediatric mental health-related education issues.  

So, we took a closer look at where we already were: Helena, home of Intermountain Children’s Services a 107-year old organization dedicated to the social welfare of children. Helena and Intermountain have formed a symbiotic relationship that impacts the entire community’s concept of children’s value and need for support.  You see it in the schools, in the multiple organizations other than IM that provide services to youth, and in the relationship between education and community.  

An example: The Boy has been concurrently enrolled at Helena Middle School since November 2016 as part of his 24/7 Intermountain experience.  This past semester, he held a 3.5 GPA.  Anyone with a 3.25 GPA or higher gets a sticker for their student ID card (silver for The Boy, gold for those with 4.0). This sticker is good for discounts and freebies at dozens of local businesses.  This past weekend he had a free topping on his Big Dipper ice cream thanks to his hard work at school.  AND, the gal scooping earnestly congratulated him on his hard work.  

Montana votes Republican, leans Libertarian, and has a deep blue Democratic streak running through it’s 127-year history.  I mention all of this because the headline here is “STAR test.”  Some combination of politics and community here creates and environment where STAR (or other standardized) testing isn’t the be-all end-all for measuring education success.  It’s a blessing to my children (and, one could easily argue, all children) not to be held to a single unyielding standard. And, it may be key to keeping our family whole.

Last Thursday I attended my first Montana parent-teacher conference night.  In the school gym, every teacher from every class sat at a desk, rows organized by grade.  As I reached each teacher, they had pertinent data in front of them to talk about how The Boy was faring in a standardized way.  Then, they talked to me about his social development, his class participation, and his willingness to work beyond his comfort level.  They mentioned his friends and whether or not those kiddos were a good, safe fit for our son.  They spoke about his progress and opportunities.  They enjoyed having him in class and looked forward working with him each day.  They knew him as a person, not a test score. (The average class size is 25, in case you were wondering.)  And, here’s the kicker: A teacher mentioned that The Boy seemed on edge one day.  She realized something was wrong (!) and asked him about it (!!).  She. Asked. Him. About. It.  And, because she had created a relationship with The Boy, he answered … honestly.  

In California, when we brought emotional-based educational needs to the attention of educators and administrators at both our middle and high school, we were essentially told to help our kids suck it up.  When we asked for ASD-specific support for The Blonde, we were told it wasn’t offered.  Our school days were a mix of fear and anger … for both parents and kids.  And, considering that school takes up most of each year, that’s an abundance of time spent managing anxiety and (ultimately) depression and very little time spent actually being a family. It nearly wrecked us.  

And, on days when I still have to deal with our CA school district, it wrecks me.  

And I refuse to be a wreck for my kids.  They’ve been through that already … multiple times.  

So, I left the state I grew up in, the state many folks think of as the ideal.  I left the Pacific and the Sierras, every friend I’d ever made, my extended family, and moved to a promise I hope we can keep.  

And now you know what the smile on my face meant. 

“My heart going boom, boom, boom
Hey, I said, you can keep my things they've come to take me home."

- Peter Gabriel